Celebrity Oops

It’s hard to believe but even after all that we know about the relationship between cancer and smoking, cigarettes are still the number one accessory of the coolest people in Hollywood. Stars that still haul on the cancer sticks include Jude Law, Kate Moss, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Katherine Heigl, Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Love, Christina Ricci, Kate Hudson, Simon Cowell, Annette Benning Charlie Sheen, Laura Flynn Boyle, Brad Pitt, David Bowie, Jack Nicholson, Joaquin Phoenix, Kiefer Sutherland and scores more.

Lung cancer caused by smoking has taken it’s toll in Hollywood and it’s surprising that these stars do not realize what a bad role model they are being for others, not just for their fans but for their real-life children.  Why Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp, both loving fathers, think that it is a good idea to smoke is a mystery. Does Gwyneth Paltrow not love little Apple enough to put the cigarette down? Everyone knows that if you smoke, you probably do not CARE about your kids, the effects of second hand-smoke and how upset they are going to be at your bedside when you die a long slow painful death from cancer.

The problem is that all of these Hollywood stars are addicts to nicotine, which in the end means they will put getting that substance in their body above all else.  Just where do we get the idea this is so cool. To check out the glam slow motion fetish video of the smoke breathing dragon known as Marlene Dietrich click here …

Never mind Lindsay Lohan and Michelle Williams playing the part of sex-goddess Marilyn for fun and profit. There has been an entire slew of celebrities who have been overtly obsessed with imitating the star in an attempt to be “The New Marilyn: over the years.

One of the most dedicated has been pop-singer Madonna who donned the furs and long glittering gown that Marilyn Monroe wore in her musical number “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend” in the video for “Material Girl” in 1991.

The Guess Jeans campaign that Anna Nicole Smith did in 1993 was also quite reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe’s Playboy calendar spreads right down to the little kitten heels and the hair parted at the side.

Singer and clothing Gwen Stefanie looked quite a bit like the star throughout 2005, donning the side part and curls, the bright red lipstick and the white halter dresses that we also often saw Monroe wearing in movies like “Some Like It Hot” and “Bus Stop.”

Another very interesting imitation of Marilyn was also accomplished by Jessica Simpson who posed like Marilyn for a 2008 cover of Esquire, but giving herself a shave.  Also in 2008 Nicole Kidman gave the look a try, posing on the cover of Bazaar wearing a pink slip, pearls and tousled blonde Marilyn curls.

Kevin Federline, ex of Britney Spears and the father of her children, is apparently not in the same great shape he was when he was a back-up dancer for the famous singer. At six feet tall he is 232 pounds and 33 percent body fat. How do we know this? The facts were broadcast on Celebrity Fit Club, a weight loss show similar to The Biggest Loser in the U.S. where celebrity guests compete to lose the pounds.

Today, Federline was rushed to the hospital after experiencing a second minor cardiac event.  He reported chest pains and a racing heart after doing an exercise involving fetching a medicine ball. Federline is okay but since this is the second time this has happened it is not sure if he will be able to complete his contract with the Australian Reality show.

Kevin and Britney Spears split up in 2006 shortly after Britney’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time” became a huge hit and Britney had a huge public psychotic episode.  At the time he had also just released his one solo album “Playing With Fire” in which “rapper” Federline  showcased his talent for writing lyrics about fighting, smoking weed, arguing with Britney and partying until he drops.

For those of you who don’t quite remember what a handsome young man Federline was in his hey-day here is a visual aid.

Just because a perfume is linked to a celebrity name does not mean it has the most wonderful scent  in the world.  A quick smelling spree through the local drug store’s forest of  ju-jube colored bottles will give you an idea of who you will really smell like if you wear their perfumes.

If you want to smell like an old bar of Yardley soap that has been lying in the soap dish for a while then try wearing Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds. That is because it is made from a very powdery and waxy smelly old style bouquet of tuberose, lily, neroli, orris, jasmine, sandalwood , amber and oakmoss.

If you want to smell like a bad cook who has trouble making Rice Krispie Squares then Mariah Carey’s perfume “M” is the scent for you.  The reason it smells like marshallow is because it is actually made from plant and then combined with a mysterious ingredient called “fresh sea notes” which is probably as synthetic as it sounds.

I’m a Gwen Stefani fan but her perfume Harjuku Lovers Baby pretty much just smells like baby oil. So if you want to smell like a mom who is rubbing baby oil on bare bottoms day and night then splurge on this thirty dollar fragrance. Or, you could just buy a bottle of Johnson and Johnson’s Baby Oil and splash it on.

White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor

One of the most addictive substances in the world is  Oxycontin and more than a few celebrities are addicted to it. In fact oxy addiction is epidemic in the world of celebrities and very few have the guts to admit it. In fact half of the drunk drivers, eccentrics and supposed bulimics in Hollywood are actually tragically addicted to this easy-to-obtain opiate.  Remember the paranoid and confused Winona Ryder who ruined a brilliant career by shoplifting? At the root of the problem was an addiction to “oxy”.  She admitted her problem to Vogue and other magazines and has also been on talk shows.

Even though they were derided for it and made fun of for it in the tabloids you have to admire the guts of the few celebrities that did come out and admit they have a problem. One of them is the often maligned Rush Limbaugh who used the platform of his Republican-friendly radio show to admit he had a problem in 2003.   Around the same time, rocker Courtney Love appeared in an issue of Vanity Fair admitting to a problem with opiates. She also overdosed on the drugs the same year but lived to tell the tale.

Jack Osbourne, the son of Ozzy Osborne, also admitted to a problem on national television and then made a big public campaign about his efforts to clean up his act.  His recovery was widely televised and did a great deal to bring awareness to the problem and in particular the awareness of how the pill is often crushed and injected so that users can experience an extreme high.

This brings us to speculate a bit about Lindsay Lohan.  Although it has never been admitted, is her problem really oxy and not alcohol?  It is something to consider…

The ironic thing about love goddess  Marilyn Monroe is that despite her reputation for being everything that a man could want and more she actually had quite a few bitter things to say about men and the way they take advantage of women. Unfortunately her quips about sexism and how to survive as a single girl has rarely made it into any biopic or biography written by a male erotomaniac.

When she had to be, Marilyn Monroe displayed a temperament that was as cold and calculating as a diamond in a freezer. One of her most famous quotes was “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”

Yet another bitter, but quite astute remark by the supposedly “dumb blonde” was  “If you’re gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.”  When was the last time you heard one of our contemporary sex symbols mention so candidly that she is a big fake?

Perhaps the most ironic thing about Marilyn Monroe is that “the goddess of love” died of a lack of love, lonely and misunderstood. One of the saddest things she ever said was – “She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that’s important—you know ”

All of this , of course, begs the question, “Who in their right mind wants to be like Marilyn Monroe?”  Just why are we so fascinated with her. Her suicide, her sad relationships and the way she was exploited by men for her body and not her brains makes her more of a shame that a proud symbol of female sexuality.

When it comes to celebrity perfume names there is no shortage of marketing misfires.  Take for example, Kate Walsh’s perfume “Boyfriend”  that she claims smells “just like the morning after.”  It is in essence a man’s cologne smell made for women that contains woody, amber and floral notes. The marketing misfire naming this celebrity potion (for those of you who don’t remember Kate Walsh – she used to be on Gray’s Anatomy) is that making your life all about him is out and being a strong, non-codependent woman is in!!

Britney Spears had us all wondering if she was into sado-masochism when she named her perfume “In Control –Curious” in 2006.  The scent, which smells like crème brulee and vanilla tells us that what Britney was most curious about at the time was lots of pudding.

In 1997 designer Bob Mackie made a perfume called “Perhaps.” “Perhaps it will sell millions of bottles and make as much money for me as White Diamonds did for Liz or perhaps it won’t. Perhaps I will get some action tonight, perhaps I won’t.  The name has a bit of uncertainty to it which is probably not that good for the self-esteem however the yellow colored fluid was a pleasant blend of orange, roses, peaches and jasmine.

Lady Gaga is coming out with a signature perfume this Spring. All that is known about it is that it will contain “blood and semen.” In fact, it will contain miniscule amounts of her own blood at the atomic level. As she can do no wrong do not be surprised if the perfume actually ends up being called “Blood and Semen.”

Sometimes, when it comes to marketing their signature perfumes, it seems that some celebrities get some really bad advice about what to call them …or they maybe they didn’t get any advice at all.

A really good example of this type of inane fragrance naming “Fancy Nights” by Jessica Simpson. It’s like this 2010 fragrance was deliberately named to appeal to the redneck, trailer trash card. It’s a heady old-fashioned mix of patchouli, Egyptian rose, jasmine and sandalwood – like a “young version” of the powdery, old granny scent of Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds.`

In 2007, P. Diddy christened his scent “Unforgivable Woman” and paired with ads of a woman being “taken” from behind in a not too consensual way. However this perfume smells great and gets five star reviews across the board from professional and amateur reviewers.  It is described as a creamy combination of citrus and floral.

Another bizarre name for a scent is Britney Spear’s “Circus Fantasy.” The fragrance was actually produced by cosmetic giant Elizabeth Arden and it was created to go along with her “Circus” tour and “Circus” album. It is a very sweet mix of ingredients like vanilla, candy and musk which aromatically means it smells like your old cotton candy.

Walter Mercado Salinas, the famous Latino psychic notorious for his psychic predictions, flamboyant Liberace-like costumes and androgynous face forgot to make one prediction for the sign of Pisces this week  (he was born March 9th, 1932)  and that is that deeply sensitive Fishes could end up in the hospital with pneumonia.  This tragic news follows the famous Univision and Psychic Network spokesman’s annoucement last that he has also become a second person – a channeler named Shanti Ananda whose name is a translaton in Sanskrit that means “peace happiness.” Let’s hope that the prayer circle set up on Twitter for the Zodiac Guru really does prevent this gentle sole from experience the wrong kind of eternal peace.

One thing you could always say for Mercado and that he was always the consummate entertainer and you would never find anyone more passionate about “The New Age”  than the witty television host who was known for wearing long glamorous robes and gowns dying his hair brown to blonde and back again.  In fact you could say, that for entire time that he was in front of the screen, he was better dressed than some of the most recent Golden Globe nominees in long navy, aqua and pink gowns. It is too bad the spirits could not think to warn him about his bad health.

Recently both Michelle Williams and Lindsay Lohan have impersonated legend Marilyn Monroe. Lindsay did her impersonation between the pages of the January/February issue of Playboy. Michelle Williams did her impression for the Made for TV movie called “My Week With Marilyn.”
Neither impersonation of Marilyn Monroe is really that “spot on.” Both women did impressionistic versions of the star whose very name is iconic of sexuality and who practically made the idea of the blonde bombshell her particular brand.
The bottom line is that Lindsay Lohan’s Marilyn is kind of skanky and a little bit clubby and suburban looking. The black pumps have a little more of a stiletto than Monroe would have warmed and the tomato red fabrics that characterize her shoot is like a slutty version of the crimson velvet reds that were true of the original vintage photos. She looks like the clerk at the cosmetic counter dressing up for Halloween.
The Michelle Williams Marilyn is the “pink” Marilyn we all remember who wore white halters and did the little girl thing. The problem with Michelle Williams’s interpretation is that she looks a little bit too chubby, especially in the face, to resemble the real Marilyn who was quite curvy. There are probably women who have gotten their photos professionally done at the local mall complete with Marilyn Monroe hairdo and soft focus who do a better impersonation.
To get a really interesting “up and down” look at Lindsay’s Marilyn Monroe Impression – click here

To watch the “My Week With Marilyn Trailer – click here